2004 Acura TL

Breaking habits, especially bad ones, is one of the most difficult challenges we face during our time on this planet. From touching ourselves to cursing, flying paper airplanes to porn surfing, it's tough to stay in line. And if that's not enough, we're also addicted to cars, which doesn't help either. Why? Because the list of bad habits grows longer every year. We'll show you what we mean: Think of a fast Acura model. Now say Acura TL aloud. Great, now try again, without messing everything up by adding a Type-S suffix at the end. Nope, you said it again. See? You're like a Pomeranian that can't stop vomiting on the grand piano-you need a good toss against the wall. We realize quitting is hard to do, so we'll try to help you get it down by the time the '04 Acura TL rolls out, which, since we write our stories four months ahead of time, is probably right this minute. Yeah, you might want to close those pop-up windows and pay attention here.

If you think the TL is a remake of the Type-S with a few minor changes, think again. In fact, just look at the photos. That's no Type-S, is it? Nope. As you can see, it's completely remolded and shaped to resemble a menacing growl, and it certainly does, if ever a menacing growl could have a shape. Scoping the lines, it's obvious that the TL is a vault stuffed full of both scientific and artistic research. That's because the engineers at Acura actually dropped more than a few tabs of, uh, caffeine during the past four years to come up with its form. According to the team, its inspiration came from Bauhaus, the legendary founders of goth music. No, wait, that doesn't sound right. Maybe it's Bauhaus, the art movement. Form follows function? Yeah, that's it. Once upon a time, that phrase actually wasn't a clich, and if the TL existed back then, the art world would have constructed a vinyl graphic of it and plastered it across the windshield. Basically, the saying means the body shape is linear, flexed, and bulging at the shirt sleeves, and when you consider the TL drops a whopping 270 hp, you can also say it's bulging at the inseams.

Reflecting upon last year's TL Type-S, with its 3.2L V-6 producing 225 hp and 216 lb-ft of torque, it's amazing how much internal massaging went into creating an engine with the exact same displacement in the '04 TL, yet this new version jams out 45 additional Seabiscuits without whining like Tobey Maguire. No wonder the powertrain designers had as much steam blasting out of their ears as there was smoke emanating from the brake pads as we tore around on the Bremerton Raceway near Seattle-it was the first time they got to witness the TL at full-throttle. And they were just as excited and in love, if not more, than Matt Damon was when he first saw Ben Affleck in his Daredevil suit. Of course, we were pretty damned excited too, especially when we destroyed a row of cones with the front fender, forgetting that a FWD isn't supposed to drift. No matter, though, because the sheer power on the straights and the utter hatred the TL harbors for body roll while cornering made for a powerfully joyous ride, far beyond how we expected it to perform. It felt just as solid as a BMW 3-series, the TL's fiercest competitor. Pinpoint steering accuracy mixed with fantastic handling and genuine power was precisely what Acura was aiming for, and it pretty much nailed the bull's-eye like Timberlake nailed Spears.